Let’s get Personal. Part 1.

Does my blog make anyone else’s head spin? I make my own head spin with how all over the place my content is… I often wonder if I should really focus in on ONLY talking business… on talking about my couples… on talking about my business… and keep it focused in ONE area rather than in all the areas. But then I decided that my blog SHOULD be cluster of whatever the heck I feel like in that moment… because it’s a reflection of me, and that’s what I’m about. Whatever the heck I feel like in the moment.

I have been feeling compelled to share my “New Mom” story, but have gone back and forth about it a lot and whether it relates enough to my business. I’ve decided that it does, so I’m going to share it… because I’m not just a new mom… I’m not just a business owner – I’m both, and finding balance has not been easy. So I think it’s something good to share and I think a wide audience can appreciate many different aspects of my story.

So I’m going to start from the beginning.

I will be admitting a lot of things throughout this story. Maybe some people will raise their brows at my admissions, but that’s alright. I’m proud of every choice I’ve made. I have no regrets. I understand that everyones experiences, hopes and dreams are different. These are mine, and this is my story of motherhood.

Admission number 1. I didn’t always KNOW I wanted to be a Mom. There were several years of my life where I thought I didn’t need to be a Mom, and didn’t really want to be one. I didn’t feel pulled to have my own children. For a while I thought I was supposed to… and then I realized that was silly, and I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to. Everyone around me was shocked to hear this when I said it out loud because I have always been so obsessed with my niece and nephew, they all just assumed I was itching to become a Mom, but I wasn’t. It hit me one day after one of my beautiful, wonderful Aunts sadly passed away.  I was putting together images for her memorial service slideshow, and found a lot of photos of all of my cousins and I growing up together. I realized then and there that I wanted that in my life. I wanted my niece and nephew to have cousins, and I wanted my children to grow up close to my sisters children. So although I felt like I wished I had 10 more years to have kids, and still didn’t feel FULLY ready… I decided it was time to talk about it with Randy. After a couple of discussions we decided we’d go for it.

Nothing happened the way we thought it would and we didn’t get pregnant right away. In hind sight, this was a good thing because each month that we didn’t get pregnant, we wanted a child even more. When it finally happened I was shocked, excited, terrified, and started thinking “are we really ready for this!? I don’t know!!!”

Admission number 2. I don’t think I felt “ready” to have a child until I was about 5 months pregnant. It wasn’t real, I was scared. But I was in it. The excitement didn’t really set in fully until I felt her move… THEN I started to fall in love with this baby growing inside me. Until then, I was just getting fat and feeling uncomfortable and crappy.

Admission number 3. I really didn’t enjoy being pregnant. It wasn’t this magical beautiful experience for me. HOWEVER, all things considered – I had a very easy pregnancy. I just didn’t expect to feel so abnormal. I was uncomfortable all. of. the. time. I had a ton of nausea in the beginning. When the nausea finally subsided, I started getting migraines. Then the back pain kicked in. Then indigestion. Heartburn. Reflux. I just really was not a fan of not feeling like myself. BUT, I was very lucky in that this was all quite mild compared to what I have heard other women go through. So all things considered, it was a great pregnancy – it just wasn’t all that fun for me.

When I got REALLY excited, was when labor started. I was SO ready to meet my little one. I was excited to go into labor and get her out of me and into my arms. I couldn’t wait to see her face. I knew how to handle babies. I was the baby whisperer… I HAD this.

Labor started at about 2am on March 31st. My contractions were immediately consistent and 10 minutes apart, but they were fairly mild so I didn’t bother my husband. They were strong enough and consistent enough that I couldn’t sleep anymore, but it wasn’t worth waking him up yet. So I just sat up in bed and watched TV and breathed through the contractions quietly.

What I am thankful I didn’t know… was what my birthing process would be like. If someone told me when it started that it would be 41 more hours before I finally had her in my arms, I would have been terrified!

This is getting long, so I’ll save the next portion of this Mom journey for next weeks blog 🙂 For now, take a look at the beautiful maternity photos that Elaine captured for us:

Next week I’ll share my daughters birth story. It’s a crazy one 🙂

Peace, love, and sweet precious babies,

Brianna.

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